Blonde to Babylon - The Two Worst Films of 2022
I wish I didn’t watch Blonde or Babylon, but I did, and I shared my thoughts on these awful films below.
Today I will unfortunately be discussing the two films which I thought were the worst movies to come out in 2022. While I have not finished watching all of the Oscar nominees I find it hard to imagine any movie ranking worse than these two in my mind. I will start by going through my thoughts on the film Blonde, which I saw several months ago, therefore I will have less to say on it now. Following that I will discuss Babylon which I recently watched and have more thoughts on. Lets begin.
Blonde (2022)
Blonde is not only a bad film but also an exploitative vanity project which does nothing to honor the memory of Marilyn Monroe and instead attempts to cast a dark shadow over her life. I cannot seem to remember another film which made me feel as disgusted as this one did from its horrendous content which is made even worse given that it is attempting to tell an autobiographical story. To give you a taste of how exploitative this movie is there is a scene where Marilyn Monroe is shown being interrogated by her unborn fetus regarding her decision to seek an abortion earlier and whether or not she will do it again to this one. This scene, regardless of what your personal politics are, is especially troubling given the malicious nature with which it is presented such that it seems to be incriminating Marilyn Monroe and could be deeply troubling for audience members to witness. The above mentioned scene may even be tame in comparison to the rest of the film which constantly shows Ana de Armas in states of undress even while she is abused or wonders around the set aimlessly. Any artistic vision is impossible to decipher since this film is by and large complete nonsense best exemplified in the frequent aspect ratio changes throughout which seem to occur without any formal meaning behind them. The film seems to have no real reason for existing other than to cheapen Monroe’s image and undress Ana de Armas. This film has no merit due to its inexcusable direction and revolting plot which offers no glimpse into who Marilyn Monroe was outside of her public image which is only vainly glossed over. This movie should not be viewed by anyone and it is a shame that it was ever made. I wish I could give it less than 1/10.
Babylon (2022)
Babylon is the latest misfire from director Damien Chazelle following his awful films First Man and La La Land which many praised but I disliked both and found them to be lacking in substance, style, and uniqueness. Similar to La La Land Babylon tries to pull on the heartstrings of Academy voters who often reward films which focus on the magic of cinema as can be seen in this years nominees which focus on the movie making business including The Fabelmans and Empire of Light. I was not expecting much from this movie having hated Chazelle’s last two pictures but there is still a part of me hoping that he will return to his earlier form where in 2014 he crafted the masterpiece Whiplash.
The movie opens with an early Hollywood orgy full of debauchery and depravity with scenes so abnormal and poorly made that it felt like an SNL skit made by Harvey Weinstein. Prior to it’s release the poster shown at the top of this review was constantly appearing online to promote this film wherein Margot Robbie can be seen crowd surfing over a large audience in a revealing dress. For the first hour of the movie these types of images bombard the viewer as they are forced to watch actors perform borderline sick acts on one another. While I am not a prude when it comes to film I am not sure this is the best way to introduce viewers to a movie which in its third act attempts to romanticize old Hollywood. While I can appreciate that this may have been an attempt to show how the reverence for the supposed “Golden Era” of Hollywood is misplaced given the wrongdoings going on behind the scenes I am not sure showing it in such an absurd and provocative way is the right tone to strike to get that message across.
The style of this film along with the subject matter of the first act reminded me of Gasper Noe’s 2018 film Climax which is also a well thought of movie which I did not enjoy which showed actors in a grotesque party environment.
Chaos and absurdity muddle much of the first half of the film again obscuring any kind of nostalgia for old Hollywood that the film is trying to convey. However, these borderline surreal moments do pick up in terms of their comedic value especially during two sequences which show the pain film makers must go through in order to try and capture a shot. Specifically, the first sequence I am referencing is where two films are shown being filmed and increasingly absurd things go on which are treated as mundane such as an extra being impaled and a set catching fire while the filmmakers struggle to get their shot as timestamps are displayed showing the progression of the day which I found to be very funny. However, the best moment of the film occurs later when Margot Robbie is shown struggling with trying to deliver her lines in an early talkie film wherein the scene builds increasing tension as the filmmakers struggle to capture her lines which culminate in one of the most absurd and hilarious moments I can remember which I implore people to seek out. The way in which the camera panned quickly from side to side to capture the goings on in the first half of the movie was utilized well for comedic effect similar to the style of the sitcom The Office.
While these moments were funny I found the tent scene, pictured above, where Brad Pitt discusses the movie he is shooting, which occurs during the first sequence I mentioned in the above paragraph, reminded me of a similar moment in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life which can be seen below so you can compare the two for yourself.
Where the movie suffers is its characters which are never developed and serve only as a vehicle for the movie to move from scene to scene without ever looking further into who these people are beyond the caricatures they appear to be. The movie bounces between two story lines one which focuses on Brad Pitt and the other on Margot Robbie as they both endeavour to be famous Hollywood actors. I believe that the cutting between these two stories which never overlap aside from the opening moments made the movie as a whole suffer as these two halves seemed to run independent of each other never aiding the other such that there is never a satisfying conclusion to either story. Additionally, the lack of originality also brought the film down especially given that the introduction of sound into film was better investigated 71 years ago in 1952’s Singin in the Rain which the movie copies many scenes from, including Pitt seeing an audience laugh at him in a talking picture. Babylon appears to try and block any criticism of copying and pasting these moments through showing an extended portion of that 1952 film at the end of the movie. I also found it odd that the movie references Singin in the Rain and Ben Hur years before they were ever made in terms of when the movie is set in time which to me made no sense.
However, plagiarism and excessive nudity aside the biggest sin the movie commits is being boring. You could leave at any time after starting the movie, come back after an hour, and not miss anything since the plot never progresses. The movie attempts to try and show how Pitt and Robbie’s characters, which at first were fully embraced by the lavish Hollywood parties, are now seen as outcasts later when movie elites became more reserved and pompous but this was so abrupt that it was not compelling as a viewer. Furthermore, I was not attached to Pitt or Robbie’s characters who appeared to be rehashes of people they have played before none more so than Margot Robbie who seems to play the same character in every movie. You could put some makeup on Robbie and sell this as a Harley Quinn in old Hollywood multiverse DC film. Having the movie start out in such a ridiculous fashion left the rest of the movie essentially nowhere to go but down meaning that aside from relying on ever increasing absurdity and overacting the actors in the film could never surpass the heights reached in the opening moments of the film which overshadowed much of the movie. It was interesting though to see how those ridiculous parties of early Hollywood shown in the first act go underground later in the third act after a significant amount of time has passed.
Tobey Maguire appears late in the third act as a sort of drug dealer whom Robbie’s character owes money to and as a result her boyfriend and a friend of his go to try and settle the score with Maguire. This sequence is also plagiarized from the far superior film that being Boogie Nights which I recommend people go and see as it better showcases how a group of people try and find their way into the entertainment business even while they resort to more explicit means of attaining wealth and fame. Both in Boogie Nights and Babylon two characters try to ripoff an unbalanced drug dealer which culminates in them running away as shots are fired at them though it was more entertaining in Paul Thomas Anderson’s 1997 masterpiece. To add to its problems Babylon is yet another film released in 2022 which shows animals being harmed when a bodybuilder decides to eat a rat in front of a group of debased individuals for some kind of sick entertainment. On a brighter note, here is the trailer for Boogie Nights which I highly recommend over Babylon as it is a much better film and one deserving of people’s time.
In conclusion, the movie is simply a mess. Going from such extreme highs to such mundane lows in the third act make the movie feel unbalanced. While this may have been an attempt to convey how Robbie and Pitt’s careers declined over time from the highest of highs it was not done well as the extended three hour runtime pushed me to the limit of my endurance as I suffered through this dumpster fire. There are times when you watch this film that you do genuinely laugh with it but there are more still where you laugh at it none more so than the climax of the film where one character sits in a theatre and watches Singin in the Rain such that the final note the movie leaves you with is not even of its own making. This is only made worse when after this a montage of scenes are pulled together in a cascade of shots from famous films from early cinema to later blockbusters as if it is trying to say “wow, aren’t movies cool.” Yes, movies are cool, and I wish I had watched one of the many films shown in that collage as opposed to suffering through this abomination. It is hard to believe this is a real film and I do not recommend it to anyone, I gave it a 1/10.
One last comment about Babylon. While it was interesting to see Flea, the bass guitarist of The Red Hot Chili Peppers make an appearance here, I was more shocked to see Eric Roberts in this Oscar nominated film given that he spends much of his career doing lower budget movies. Eric Roberts is the definition of an enigma, the man puts out dozens of movies and shows everywhere which range in quality from ones shown on HBO to those not even fit to be screened on the Lifetime network. He is a fascinating actor and though I hated this movie I appreciated seeing him make an appearance in a prominent movie and I hope to see him more down the road.